I have jumped out of an airplane twice; the second time was scarier than the first. I also got married that day, (the second time), which may have had something to do with my jumpy nerves, or it could have been because I knew what I was getting into, the minute of free-fall would be scary, but awesome.
Not jumping was never an option. It was my idea, so…
What I realized when I was falling at seemingly mock speeds, not being able to breathe, but still screaming out in fright and joy, then floating in perfect silence once I pulled the parachute, was that I knew that second jump was enough. I have never felt the urge to skydive again.
The second time I raced an Ironman was scarier than the first.
I knew it would hurt more than I expected, because I knew what to expect; I knew it would last longer than I wanted it to, break me down and build me up more forcibly than I could’ve prepared for, and delivered me closer to touching tangible magic at the finish line than any other endeavor I experienced ever could. I have never felt the urge to stop racing.
I wake up every morning inspired to swim, bike, run, and lift. I don’t do all three every day, (although I would be up for that), and some days I feel like doing one more than others, I have yet to feel that I have done enough. I wonder when that day will come, or, if it ever will?
I have lived a decent chunk of life by now, but I still feel like there is so much more ahead of me than behind.
Even with goals met or unmet, I am excited to learn more about myself every day by suffering a little or a lot; it is my simple recipe for finding the meaning of life.
For example, I had a standard min-run life-altering moment during the twelfth mile of a run last Saturday. Just seconds after cresting a short steep hill, and opening my stride to pick up speed for the last two miles of the prescribed two-hour workout, I suddenly felt at peace with big choices I have made in the past that up until that moment, I had constantly second-guessed. In that instant, the throbbing weight I had been lugging for years melted away.
I used to fear that I was running away from something, but really, I am running towards something.
I am not sure what that is, but I have faith I am moving in the right direction and am enjoying every step along the way. That is enough.
This tune from Kygo and Miguel is my current favorite, enjoy.:)