For the past four weeks, my 2016 Jeep Wrangler has been failing Smog Checks. Smog Checks are a necessary environmental regulation that the state of California introduced in 1974, and I have followed dutifully in all of the cars I have driven since I earned my drivers license on September 18th, 1995, (my birthday was on a Sunday that year). One of the lessons I have learned throughout this frustrating ongoing Odyssey is that when we replace the car battery (as I did in early December due to the Jeep sitting still in our driveway for much of 2025 while we were in Vancouver) the entire system in our cars resets/spins off the rails, and requires time and miles to flip back on again and function seamlessly, or at least how they should. A similar lesson can be gleaned in any kind of injury recovery and reboot, even with the best intentions and outcomes from healing, glitches pop up, and the timeline for them to function as we should can extend longer than we’d like.
Last Saturday I went on my second bike ride in Malibu in 2026, and my sixth or seventh outside ride since returning home from Vancouver in November. I was excited and confident my left hand would hold up fine for a 2-2.5 hour moderate spin up and down PCH, I was even open to adding a smidgen of elevation, (hills vs. climbs), but when my friend, Lynne, and I were pedaling closer and closer to the base of my favorite climb in the Santa Monica Mountains, Mulholland, I realized I might not have communicated my comfort level before we rolled out.
After a quick exchange, we turned around and pedaled back down Mulholland toward PCH.
In years past, I would have smiled, gritted my teeth, leaned over my limits, and kept pedaling in the same direction without saying a word. I wanted to grow on every ride and prove that I could do whatever was asked of me, but I have changed that way of thinking since both of my crashes; I know I grow on every ride, regardless of time, mileage, or elevation, and I don’t have anything to prove anymore.
Naturally, Lynne was understanding of my decision. She has been a constant support before and during my recovery, and although I know she wanted to chew up the climb like we have done dozens of times before, she knows I wouldn’t have held back unless I needed to.
I am glad that I spoke up, because even with the fairly minimal elevation loss riding back toward PCH, my left hand (fingers) stiffened up from consistent brake-feathering, and my wrist swelled-up slightly; I wasn’t in pain, but I was uncomfortable, so riding on a steeper descent could have increased the stiffness and swelling, maybe, probably, but now I know how to adjust to that sensation, and I have gained more knowledge for how to handle the next spin.
My mind and body are constantly adapting to the new parameters of my left hand in every daily task, let alone riding a bike how I want to, but the key is to respect the unknown, and accept the timeline.
Back to the Jeep, it is currently receiving all kinds attention at the dealership, adapting its sensors to the new juice from the battery, and will hopefully clear the Smog Check before the end of the month.
The book I read last week, Inside the Box, by David Epstein, covered a topic I have a lot of experience with, constraints. I enjoyed Epstein’s previous two books, The Athlete Gene, and Range, but I found his use of narrative to be disjointed and challenging to follow. I appreciated the points he made about the power of constraints, I just don’t think he guided the path there succinctly. In any case, it is an important topic, and it made me want to learn chemistry, so I invite you all to give it a read and make up your own mind.
